It was said by Richard Hodges, “At a comma, stop a little; at a semicolon, somewhat more.” But that was in 1644. In the modern age, the standard use of the semicolon is the left half of a winky face emoji. What is essentially a super comma used to make written communication smoother is now utilized by the flirtatious trying to be smooth. 😉 I admit to breaking punctuation laws repeatedly. And grammar. And if the squiggly red lines are any indication, spelling.
The semicolon has seen a meteoric rise in popularity not within literary circles, but within culture. It has been adopted by the SOS-the Survivors Of Suicide. Mental health is a more prevalent conversation these days. And it’s laudable to want to become more mentally stable and develop good coping mechanisms when triggered. (How many buzz words can I fit on one sentence? 😉 ) Those with a genuine need for counseling and therapy should absolutely have affordable access to those services.
I’ve made no secret of my struggle with my own brain. It’s been over two decades since my attempt so I don’t really feel the need to interject it into daily small talk. I am the sandwich generation between two amazingly educated and compassionate psychology majors. That’s about the only reason I can speak the language. Well, a couple of my own college courses happened but I rely more on gut instinct than formal training. But I knew about six months ago trouble loomed. So I made a decision to swallow any embarrassment and talk to my doctor about mental health care. I have been seeing a counselor for the last two months as I had hit a breaking point I couldn’t find the end of on my own.
“Call me anytime.” “I’m here for you whenever you need to talk.” “You can tell me anything.” We have all heard these statements from well meaning, loving friends. I don’t believe for one moment they are being disingenuine. The problem is, I never really do call. I always feel like I’m putting my first world troubles over onto someone with real problems and that’s not fair to them. So I’ll fuss about the weather. Or the price of whatever. Or a cat that won’t let me sleep past 06:00. Except I have no poker face and it’s easy to see when I’m not me. One of my biggest regrets is mentioning seeing a counselor to someone at work and now I feel like they look at me differently.
And there’s the poop. It’s as if society enjoys throwing out life preservers for those in need but then it rather judgingly pulls them back to safety. I’m not fragile. I’m not delicate. I simply could not process a series of major emotional upheavals that hit in rapid fire succession. I needed someone completely unattached to my life to give me an unbiased level of counsel to bring me back to my baseline. I do not need any medications; just diet and exercise.
Over the course of talking it all out, I had a revelation that had absolutely nothing to do with anything we were discussing. Because that’s just my brain. I wear a ring and a bracelet with the semicolon on them. I wear the symbol of the SOS. And I realized I don’t need to wear them anymore.
There is an organization called Project Semicolon, a nonprofit dedicated to raising awareness of mental illness, self-harm, suicide, and addiction. “A semicolon represents a sentence the author could’ve ended but chose not to,” reads the organization’s slogan often seen on their Instagram page. “The author is you and the sentence is your life.” It’s powerful. I understand the context of it and I was empowered by wearing my jewelry. It was a daily reminder that I survived something and I can keep going through anything else. I know quite a few people who use theirs as a means to keep going.
My problem with wearing it is that it became the sole focus in a negative way. Instead of seeing it as the ability to move forward, all I could see was the events that caused my breakdown all those years ago. That was fueling my current emotional imbalance. I don’t need a symbol on my finger to remind me to go live my life to the fullest. I need to go do it. I recognize there are many not in this position yet in their healing. My decision to not wear a semicolon is no reflection on someone else’s need to continue to do so.
This isn’t my usual post. I get that.
Recently two pastor friends of mine made posts on Facebook that caught my attention. The first said, “Instead of seeking pleasure; seek purpose. Instead of living for success; live for significance. Instead of pursuing happiness; pursue holiness.” The second one was this:
What’s my focus? It wasn’t God. Instead of proclaiming eternal life through salvation because of the work of the cross, I had made an altar of my own testimony and sat on it. There is no forward motion in my life because I am secretly harboring the misery of replaying some of the events of 20+ years ago daily. How do I move forward? By actually acknowledging that the past is the past and leaving it in the past. I am fortunate enough to have gotten very good counsel. It’s not easy. I still wake up at 04:00 and my brain reminds me of that dumb thing I did in fourth grade and the stupid thing I said in high school.
Purpose, significance, holiness. All found in Jesus; the Way, the Truth, and the Life. His Way; my purpose. His Truth; my significance. His Life; my holiness.
I’m not so naïve as to think I won’t have struggles with depression, loneliness, and unworthiness from time to time. We all do. It’s part of the human experience. But I’m no longer going to play the “what if” game to deflect the real issue. I’ve taken all the scriptures for healing and only applied them to physical issues. No more. Jesus wore a crown of thorns. His head was wounded so mine could be healed.
I choose to no longer be a ; It’s time to be a !
This is the website for Project Semicolon if anyone has a need. Or knows someone who does. Or keep it in your back pocket until it’s relevant.
Musings In The MidWest 
Excellent!!! I’m glad talking to a counselor who could give you an unbiased level of counsel to bring you back to your baseline has been effective. But more importantly, that the realization that Jesus heals mentally also has gotten strong in you. You are an amazing women. And yes, you can vent anytime you want to in my ears. And I mean it. Praying for you this morning.
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Love this. Glad you found a good counselor and not want to want to lush meds. I had to do the same thing when I lived in Cumberland. I was getting counseling through the church but I needed someone outside my box.
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