Poisoned Paradise

Poison sumac is proof the ground is cursed. I didn’t even realize I had gotten into it until it was too late. And by too late I mean I already had the ugly, painful bubbles blooming on my leg. And then my arm. I’ve lived all week in some strange Benadryl induced funk. Fortunately, there was no doctor’s visit required for this round. It’s put a damper on my running and hiking. No exercise routine brings on fog brain, although with the antihistamines rolling in me I can’t really sort what’s what. It boggles the mind that ragweed is still managing to make me gritty eyed and sneezy. As previously noted, the ground is cursed. See Genesis 3.

My other fun side effect of Benadryl is that after so many doses I can no longer sleep normally. So after a week of abnormal nights, chronic pain, and assorted other crazy doodads, I needed a nap today. There was a charity hike in the morning that Mom and I participated in but by 14:00, I had to sit. And then I woke up. All three fur kids were still on a tentative truce, so I took me on a date to a movie. The new Kendrick Brothers documentary is showing. “Show Me The Father” I didn’t think I’d need tissues because it is, after all, a documentary. What a lie that turned out to be. It is, after all, Kendrick Brothers. I cried the whole way home. My sincerest apologies to the sleeve of that hoodie.

The premise of the film is what God the Father actually means: protector, provider, faithful, loving, etc. It’s an artfully woven tapestry of how God moves in our lives when we have no idea that He is. One of the hard hitting quotes is from Shepherd Smith: being humble doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself; it means thinking of yourself less. That struck me. I am not always, if ever, a humble person. I think about others opinions on a frequent basis and that signals a large ego. There is an entire generation of people who reek of entitlement. I can not do anything for them but set an example, but to do that I have to truly live humility myself.

Another thing that stands out is the theme of identity that occurs throughout the film. Steven Kendrick says that knowing Jesus as your Savior is not the same as knowing God your Father. That hit home. I’ve never had any mental hiccup with Jesus and His work of atonement on the cross. The truth of Jesus being fully God and fully man is less mystifying to me than that of a fully loving God, though. Our perception of God the Father is established by our earthly fathers. God established a man’s headship of the household as a model of His headship over us as believers.

Except in our humanity we botched it.

The blessing that fathers were to pass to their children stopped. Generation after generation of unworthiness and spiritual trauma was inherited instead of peace, patience, love joy, kindness, etc. It’s no wonder the world has chosen to establish new gender identities. And that the church has welcomed the things of the world into it’s sanctuaries. Somewhere, we as a race, lost our identity in the Father. We forgot who and Whose we are.

It’s saddening that Biblical principles for holy living are being labeled as old fashioned, elitist, demeaning to women, and unnecessary. Unless you’re a mega church and can water down those principles in a more palatable way to sell books. Then you’re good. Forget trying to bring people to the throne of God; just tell them how to get their own crown.

I’d love to find a true man of God to be with. There is something freeing in being led by a man whose heart is after God. He will treat his wife’s heart as a treasure. I gave up though. Not that there aren’t any wonderful, Godly men out there because there are. (Ladies, my favorite Uncle is single and he’s a fantastic guy. I’m not sure I’m a good wingman since I’m the niece. But I can play matchmaker…) Some days when I have all the decisions of my house weighing on me, I really, really miss Mark. Paul said in I Corinthians, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” Since this is my reality, I need to get my perspective of God the Father where it should be.

The parable of the Sower includes seeds on thorny ground. I am feeling choked. I didn’t recognize the value of the seeds I carried. I did not respect my plot of ground. The sumac of selfishness. The ivy of arrogance. The hemlock of hatred. The foxglove of fear. The only way to clean this mess is through repentance. The only way to prevent regrowth is to get new seeds from the Master.

Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” The fruit can only come from the same type of seed. A small act of self-control will bring about a greater ability to exert self control. Jesus said in Luke 16:10, ““One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” This is not a “laws of attraction” mentality. It isn’t the mindset that if I think I have joy, if I have good joy vibes, or if I just will joy to me, then I’ll have joy. It is the established Biblical principle of sowing and reaping as outlined in Proverbs 22:8, Hosea 10:12, and 2 Corinthians 9:6. God doesn’t want us to pray for a furrow and then lean on the shovel.

Too many Christians are a bubbling, pus filled mess of Gnosticism, mysticism, and all the -isms the world celebrates. The poison has hit the blood stream of the main denominations and a false sense of eternal security pervades while we obliviously scratch scratch scratch. We desperately need a blood transfusion. The blood of Jesus. Freely shed on the cross.

The movie was a wake up to me. Too long I was focused on everything but God. Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Why seek God first? Because He alone is worthy of our praise. Our worship. When He knows He truly has our hearts, then He gives us what we need. Why? Because He is our Father. It’s time we get in real prayer. True worship.

It’s time to weed the garden.